Sunday, April 26, 2015

Your Happiness is Your Responsibility

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.” 
-Stacey Charter

I am so guilty of all of those things, and I think we all are or have been some time or another. I used to define my happiness and self-worth based on how a man or another person I care about viewed me.  I blamed him/them for the reason why I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I blamed him/them for the reason why I couldn't help but burst into laughter when someone said that I was beautiful, special, smart, or capable of being something other than "a high school dropout with a child on one hip and another on the way."

Some of the worst things that have been said and done to me were by that people that I love/loved or that claimed to love/have loved me. Family, friends, boyfriends, etc. I was ugly, fat, my teeth weren't right, "You will open your legs for any man that calls you pretty", stupid, childish, and wouldn't amount to much of anything other than some abusive man's wife and mother of his children with no education and no money. Why would I believe anything other than what they would tell me about myself? Those statements came from people that said they LOVED me. I became so used to that treatment that I began to think that it was normal.

I began to think those statements were true...

I didn't believe anything other than what I was I told. Why? Simply because they didn't make me feel that way. They didn't make me feel that way. Think about how absurd that sounds. How can anyone make me feel anything that I don't want to feel? How can I believe something someone says if I didn't believe it to be true? How can I define who I am and my happiness based on the opinion of another person?

It took YEARS to get over some of the demons of my past. There are things that happened over 10 years ago that I am now beginning to move on from. It's hard. An absolute uphill battle. I never expected any less, though. To me, dealing with a painful past isn't about the amount of time it takes. It's about how you get through it.

Every morning I have to tell myself that I am good enough. That I am strong enough. That I can do whatever I set my mind to. And, most importantly, I have to tell myself that I can and I will be happy.  Even if that means that I have to scratch, claw, and fight my way to it - it will happen for me. Some days are worse than others, some days are better, and other days...are the BEST.

I find things to get excited about: a new job or business opportunity, a vacation with family or friends, having time to put on makeup (of course), working out/eating right and seeing results, etc.

My happiness is MY responsibility. The decisions I make, the people I surround myself with, the places I choose to go, etc. It's all on me. And as soon as I realized that, the simpler life became.

What makes you happy?
What gives you motivation to be a better you?